Actively Choosing to Be Happy

The difficult conversations are usually the most important ones we should be having. I recently had two and while I think there was a mutual understanding with one person, I'm more than positive the other is upset with me. In an effort to refocus and better align with my true purpose, I had to make some tough decisions. Since it looks effortless to others [because I don't process my difficult choices out loud on social networks], I am often viewed as callous, trying to be perfect, and a bunch of other stuff that has nothing to do with positive movement forward.

I often use the example of an addict trying to free themselves of the burden of their addiction. The minute they make the decision that they don't want to do drugs, drink excessively, etc. it is suggested they limit/cut off interaction with users. What I would like to know is, why this is viewed differently when someone limits their interaction with those they know aren't mentally healthy for them at the moment?. Surely our mental health is just as important as our physical so why the exception?

If someone makes the decision to remove themselves from underneath a dark cloud, shouldn't we be happy for them? Instead, the responses I've had to contend with are accusations that I'm being self-righteous, I think I'm perfect and have it all figured out when I don't know shit about shit. Nice, right? Of course this is abusive speech targeted at people to get them to do what you want. Fortunately, it doesn't work on me. It has become motivation to keep traveling down my road and further distance myself from people like this.

When someone makes the decision to not let life get the best of them EVERY DAY THEY WAKE UP, it isn't about ignoring things that aren't right in their world. It is impossible for me to not think about the following:

• in the last 6 months, I've had 3 family members pass away, 1 being my mothers mom and another being my father's dad ; my husband has had 3, as well, one being a suicide
• I had pneumonia and was laid up in the hospital for half a day
• my daughter developed asthma and has an ongoing condition called rhinitis [which gives her a sinus infection twice a month]; she's been sick for a year; not off and on, literally not well for an entire year
• I had a stressful job where I was undergoing harassment during the time our family members were passing, which the EEOC confirmed but I can't press charges because it wasn't within the parameters of their guidelines 
• the employee that was harassing me happened to be my supervisor; she created a full letter of lies in order to fire me, even though we live in a right to work state so attempting to tarnish my character added insult to injury
• during all of the above, our cars turbo goes out and we have to purchase another car
• the car we just purchased, engine fell out a couple weeks ago

This list can continue for another 2 pages because that's life, something is ALWAYS going on. Does it help to sit around feeling sorry for myself because of this? No. Me talking about it to anyone who will listen doesn't make it go away either. If we are truly striving to make the best of things, it's always best to focus on the good things happening around us anyway. For me, it has been the following:

• we were able to find a more spacious, less expensive place in a neighborhood 10 times better, after leaving a black mold infested house
• my husband still has his job; one income is better than none
• we've been fortunate enough to still be able to afford my daughter's daycare so I can write while she's at school
• our daughter's health has drastically improved since we changed her doctor
• my stress levels are amazingly low due to not being on edge everyday
• we live in a neighborhood where basic necessities are within a miles reach so no car isn't as bad as it sounds
• I have an opportunity to work on doing what I love, not what appears to provide security

I can list more but the point is made. Actively choosing to be happy isn't about forgetting the things we have to deal with. It's about not letting the downers in life keep us in a place that affects our positivity. I'm further uplifted by those who subscribe to the same belief. My friends and I discuss things that go wrong in life but we also encourage each other not to complain incessantly about things that are out of our control. The things we can change, we remind each other to work on them diligently. This doesn't free up much time to negatively fixate in a "Woe is me" manner.

So the next time someone gets upset with you for not stooping to their level of negativity, take comfort that you are doing something right. There is a quote that says "You become like the 5 people you spend the most time with. Choose carefully". If those 5 people want nothing but the best for you and encourage you to stay positive, choosing to be happy can become as easy as breathing...

Choosing to Be Nice vs. Repulsive

I have a friend who acts amazed that I'm friendly to people I don't need to be nice to. We're in our 5th year of friendship and this still makes her laugh at me. It makes me no never mind. I'm not nice to get anything out of anyone. It just comes natural to me to be cheerful, kind, and smile. If someone else [not speaking of my friend] is bothered by this, THAT makes ME laugh. 

Why are you annoyed that someone else prefers to be pleasant than being a crotchety cunt? You do realize how moronic that is, considering positivity isn't a bad thing?

Some of the misconceptions I often hear attached to those who have a pleasant demeanor are as follows:

• they aren't really happy/nice

I understand that there are Happiness Impostors out there. I get it. However, if some of us brainy farts are as intelligent as we lead on, it should be understood that ALL people aren't faking the funk. If you genuinely take comfort in being a grouchy asshole, why does the possibility of someone enjoying the polite life, seem far fetched? I attribute that to the pessimism instinctively connected to being mean all the time. Of course, this is no different than a happy person assuming a miserable person doesn't want to be down all the time. I used to think like that because of how draining it is [to me] to revel in melancholy. Good old logic and life has shown, some people DO bask in the darkness of their sadness. THAT is what makes them feel alive and there is NOTHING anyone else can do about it. So, leave them alone and let them be who they want.

• they're only being nice because they want something

I understand that there are Wolves in Sheep Clothing, waiting to use other peoples kindness as a weakness. The best line of reasoning I can assign this notion is simply asking the accuser, "are YOU one of the wolves?" If the answer is "Yes", with a wicked smile that makes you feel like you are their next victim, flee. Unless you're a glutton for punishment. If the answer is "No" in a slightly offended tone, they've pretty much given credit to the fact that everyone isn't out to take advantage of others.

• they're attention whores and need friends

So you would assume, without knowing anything about someone, that they need friends? Maybe, it is you who needs a friend. Revel in your angst all you like but while it is true that there are other Mopey Mandy's and Evil Eddie's, people do exist who are the complete opposite. Consider this for a second...some people draw others to them BECAUSE they're enjoyable to be around. If you aren't familiar with this and don't care to be, it's your world, do you. Aldous Huxley stated that "facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored". It is factual that everyone doesn't behave the same.

• they're idiots, gullible, stupid, [insert some more intended insults thrown out to make them feel better about their assumptions]

When did it become idiotic and stupid to be kind? I suppose if you've been fucked over a lot in life, it makes sense that this ideal would be adopted. It's understandable that you wouldn't want this to happen to you and definitely not repeatedly. Listen to yourself though. To indicate that you aren't nice because all it does is get you taken advantage of says more than you're willing to admit. At some point, you wanted to be nice to others too, you just CHOSE to do the opposite. This is a defense mechanism, not necessarily how you've always viewed things. You successfully shoot holes in your own assumption [theory]. Being hurt sometimes makes us keep our patronus out permanently to deflect other assholes from approaching. I get that too. That's your baggage speaking for you, not a universal truth.

It should be understood that no one is so one-dimensional that they never exude traits opposite of how we usually see them behave. Meaning, even the nicest person has Mean Girl days, just as Cuntastic individuals have breakthroughs where they like someone enough to get married, have kids, and actually show they can love something other than their evil misery. It happens because we're human.

So even though my friend chuckles at my cheery disposition, she's well aware that I can rip someones head off and spit down their throat. Without blinking once. If you want to be a mean ass, by all means, soak up all the assholery. Those who want to sniff unicorn ass, taste the rainbow, and giggle more than scowling like we bit a lemon? Let them live the sweet life.

You can always take comfort in the fact that one more happy person leaves more room for you to be a dick about life.