Why Can't We Stay Married?

I had decided a while ago that I wasn't having children or getting married. The level of commitment a person is supposed to devote to their child and their mate was too much for me. I couldn't see myself taking that kind of risk. There was no guarantee that whoever I said "Yes" to when asked for my hand, would view their vow as I did. Marriage was not a game to me, which is why I said "No" to 7 of the 8 requests. Since there was no proof that marriage would last, why would I have kids? I didn't want the burden of being a single mother or have to deal with co-parenting. Neither of those things made me feel like I would still be able to retain a reasonable amount of freedom either.

What did I do?

I had a kid almost 4 years ago and I got married to her father last year.

What changed? Me.

I figured this was the best way to get over my commitment issues; commit yourself to something that you HAVE to take serious. The thing about that is...there is STILL no guarantee that your children or mate will give a damn about that. As my father stated to me, "it's one of those things you have to wake up everyday, continuing to commit to, regardless of what you experience that makes you want to break your vow to them". Of course I don't think he was referring to extreme situations but I understood what he meant. My mother and father have been together 40 years, married for 38 and have 3 children as a result of their union. I can say without a doubt that it hasn't been an easy 40 years but BOTH of them decided to stay with each other and isn't THAT what makes marriage the ultimate success in the end?

So when I look at the increasing divorce rate, the ups and downs of dating that never lead to marriage for some, and how depressed people can become when they feel no one will want them, it makes me question everything...all over again.

What is going on today that we are picking mates that aren't willing to do what it takes to stay together? Was everything good during the dating process or did we ignore important signs? Even if all signs pointed to marriage being a good idea, what happens so that we're getting divorced within a year of getting married? WHY IS IT SO EASY TO GIVE UP ON PEOPLE THAT WE TOOK SUCH SERIOUS VOWS FOR?

Then it becomes clear that these vows don't mean as much as they should. 

One guy asked me why I went so hard for being married for life if I wasn't really big on it. For me, it makes a statement. It ISN'T dating. It is saying that out of all the people you've been acquainted with, THIS is the ONLY person you want to form an unbreakable bond with. It became clear that the union of marriage was overlooked when he revealed that he didn't pay attention to the vow declared when someone is sworn into a marriage. He is married and didn't know this. Which makes one raise an eyebrow and wonder what he was thinking when he said, "I do". Was he even paying attention?

In case some more of us weren't paying attention, here are standard vows:

"We are gathered here to unite these two hearts in the bonds of holy matrimony... Into this, these two now come to be joined...will you have this woman/man as your lawful wedded partner, to live together in the estate of matrimony? Will you love him/her, honor him/her, comfort him/her, and keep him/her in sickness and in health, forsaking all others, be true to him/her as long as you both shall live?"

If you're married, you said "I do". So when does it become a good time to say, "to hell with that vow. I just don't like you anymore and I don't want to work at this. I just want to be rid of you and any effort it will take to make things right"? Yet, this is what happens SO often. The sanctity of marriage has been destroyed because we don't take it as seriously as we once did. It's almost as if we reserve our right to get divorced like it's a get out of jail free card.

The solution is fairly simple but definitely easier said than done. Stop being selfish.

Becoming one has to be difficult for people who are used to everything going their way. When you agree to marry someone, you are committing to a life of taking someone into consideration everyday for the rest of your life. If you can pinpoint every time you have an altercation with someone you were dating, it can more than likely be simplified by acknowledging that someone was being selfish. The thing about marriage is that it's a team effort. Two are supposed to become one but if one is hell bent on staying themselves, it isn't going to work. Change is SUPPOSED to happen when you get married and sometimes that's too much to deal with when we want to doggedly hold on to who we used to be prior to being married.

I've been acquainted with my husband for 6 years but we just got married and I'll be honest and say it isn't easy. It wasn't when we were just boyfriend/girlfriend and it isn't as husband and wife. We argue like cats and dogs, hurt each others feelings, and do things that are huge turn offs to one another. It hasn't lessened my love for him, nor my vow. There are two things that I tell myself when I start my day. 

1. I will have a good day.

2. I will have a good day with Joey.

I'll keep telling myself this despite how much he makes me want to pull my hair out, at times. I don't intend to give up though because I have a choice, like everyone else. My choice is to do what it takes to stay married.

Do You REALLY Care What Kanye & Kim are Doing?

Due to the gossipy world we live in, if you have the slightest modicum of fame, the public [media included] will insert themselves into every facet of your life, if possible. There was a time when news was broadcast in an effort to inform us of things that we needed to know. Today? Not so much. It appears that people are far more interested in who's sleeping with who versus things that really matter.

I clicked on a Huffington Post link that said "Kim & Kanye Posing Nude on L'Official Hommes Paris Spring 2013", thinking it was going to be a spread of tasteful photos from the couple. Wrong. The write-up had more to do with admonishing them for taking the pictures.

"...doing a hell of a job making sure their future child will one day have plenty to be embarrassed about"

"the reality star and her rapper baby daddy"

"we'll admit the cover is pretty sexy, but we're calling TMI on this as we have their unborn baby's best interest at heart, and no one wants to see their parents like that"

The focus wasn't on the photos that were taken, in fact, there was only one pose repeatedly shown on the post and that was it. The writer made sure you were paying attention to their opinion related drivel that reflected more of their personal beliefs than a genuine interest in the couple's unborn child. Makes me wonder if they stopped to think that maybe it isn't within the unborn child's interest to write foolish shit about their parents.

As far as "no one wants to see their parents like that", I'm positive there are people out there who thought the picture was beautiful, not an embarrassment, present or future. If children see their parents expressing love for one another openly, wouldn't that provide a good example? I suppose it is the general assumption that they'll raise their child traditionally and in a conservative manner. If they choose to do that, good for them. It is the choosing otherwise that causes people to cast these ridiculous judgments.

I can show you several families who raised their children conservatively, in a traditional manner...and the kids didn't take to their parents instructions too well. The same goes for non-traditional parenting. You can find examples of good and bad outcomes for any type of child rearing.

I digress. Whatever happened to just wishing people well? Instead we've become a society that has to tear EVERYTHING apart to feel better about ourselves. I would say if Kim & Kanye were your friends, would you look at them the same but the answer is made clear everyday. A lot of people cannot stomach the happiness of others when they aren't in a happy place themselves. While it is understandable, the negativity attached to it oozes out a lot more frequently than some of us are willing to admit.

The Huffington Post more than likely got tons of hits and that is what they're always aiming for. It just makes me a bit sad that news has to be presented in this manner. 

I'm not Kim and my husband isn't Kanye but we're not strangers to people saying inappropriate things about our relationship. It is almost like the free-spirited, carefree individuals will forever be looked down upon by those too afraid to embrace their right to do as they please. Kayne & Kim have dated some well-known people. Kanye doesn't get crowned a hobag, as does Kim, even though their situations have been similar. They've actually been in relationships with these people, it's just been broadcast in an ugly light all over the media. 

How many people can honestly say the last 5 people they've slept with, they were FOR REAL dating? I'm sure someone can but why does it even matter? Will that add on to the years of productive life you have left? Nope but shitting on other people has become the cool thing to do. I'm hoping that news outlets get back to reporting things in a journalistic manner that can still be admired. The public complains about the messages that the media constantly send that are negative but the truth is...they wouldn't keep posting it if there wasn't a significant following looking at and sharing it.

I guess it all goes back to being the change we wish to see.

The Anatomy of a "Bad Bitch"

 

Based on some things I've heard men say about "bad bitches", it has lead me to believe that they think most of these women wake up "bad". Of course "bad" becomes relative based on the man/woman you're talking to. For the sake of this post, use the UNIVERSAL definition. For an example, think, Halle Berry or Amber Rose.

Not every "bad bitch" looks terrible without their makeup and weave but if they walked around like most women, a lot of men wouldn't classify them as "bad". I've seen the eyebrow-less faces, non-existent edges, bad skin, and how they dress when no one is gawking over them. When they step outside, they have put serious time and effort into their appearance. Imagine if they had 1 or more children inserted into that equation. I'm still looking for the average woman who is a "bad bitch", has kids, AND maintains her look on minimal average income. I have yet to find that unicorn.

Hair

Skin/Nails

Gym

Clothing

Friends

Money

Time

Those are the 8 main things involved with maintaining a "bad" status. Without Money and Time, it's damn near impossible to have the other 6 in full. 

 

There is a reason it takes women 2-5 hours at the salon. Never mind the 30-60 min wait just to get in the chair. This isn't the same as going to a barbershop to get a hair cut. We are getting FULL SERVICES and the ones that cost the least, still take an average of an hour, from arrival to departure, to complete. Most services start at $15-25 but that's for ONE service. It is rare that a non-White woman gets one service when going to the salon. We usually get 2-3, which can increase the cost by $40-80. Being a bad bitch, every salon visit can run you $100 or more. If you have a weave and/or hair color, your monthly hair costs can be anywhere from $250-$800.

 

To put on makeup effectively enough to be labeled "bad", it takes time. Women don't blink and SHAZAM! makeup appears. If you want quality makeup, that costs money too. When I was going to the club all the time, my makeup bill, semi-monthly, was about $30-50. I don't even wear a lot of makeup; foundation, mascara, and gloss. Most "bad" women wear a list of products [usually]. Eyebrows have to be drawn on, blemishes have to be concealed, and skin tone has to be evened out. I know some women who have to start getting ready 2 hours before it's time to go somewhere because of their makeup process. Keeping makeup fresh so skin isn't irritated and buying good products can triple what my semi-monthly bill is. I've seen some women spend $150 on makeup in one visit and it wasn't everything they needed.

When it comes to clothing, a good shopper can find quality pieces at bargain prices. When I was shopping at least 2-3 days a week, I was spending at least $300-500...that's $1200-2000 a month on clothes. Again, I wasn't even dressing to be a bad bitch. One dress, bag, coat, or pair of shoes can cost a bad bitch $1200-2000. Average working class women cannot afford that all the time and their basic responsibilities.

In order to get the money that is needed, time is definitely involved. If they can fund their status on their own, extra time doesn't have to be devoted to any man/woman in an effort to get what their lifestyle needs. This isn't to insinuate that "bad bitch" = "whore". If I could afford to dote on myself more often, I would do ALL of the above. I'm simply saying that without a considerable, constant flow of money, bad bitches don't exist.

 

The friends of "bad" ones usually understand their lifestyle and tend to have similar lives. That's why most of their friends are hot, like them. In this instance, birds of a feather do flock together. They tend to travel in groups, at the very least in pairs. You deal with them, you'll also have to deal with their friends. It isn't any different than most women and their friends; you just stare at "bad" ones longer. There is an expectation with some [not all] that if you got me, you got my girls too. That requires money and if you don't have it, they have no problem telling you to go away.

 

If one were to calculate the time and money it takes on a monthly basis to support this lifestyle, it'd be obvious that ONLY men with a significant amount of money can afford these women. Yet, a lot of men with less than, feel they should have a "bad bitch". It becomes a neverending cycle of delusional stupid shit. Enter the complaining and nagging that men do but just not in a whiny woman's voice. 

 

BEING A BAD BITCH IS A LIFESTYLE.

I ask all men who think that their significant others are being lazy or defiant against societies norms, find JUST ONE woman who has the *UNIVERSAL title of "bad bitch", has one or more kids, while living in a household with a combined income of less than 75k a year, and takes care of all her basic necessities BEFORE her bad bitch status. I want to talk to these women to see how they do it because if they can be considered a *UNIVERSAL bad bitch, I will stand corrected and do what they're doing. So far no one has been able to point them out.

 

This post isn't to make a mockery of these women. They have a right to choose how they want to be seen. It's to point out that it isn't as simple as some people think. It takes effort just like women who focus on their education and intelligence. For people to irrationally think that it can be done with minimal time and money is the reason I wrote this. 

 

Definitions

UNIVERSAL [bad bitch]: a woman that can be seen by most men/women and classified as such. Being pretty, cute, or generally attractive, unfortunately, doesn't classify women as being "bad". Most women who are beyond *pornstar thick aren't considered bad bitches either.

PORNSTAR THICK: see the picture to the left.

The General Public & Reality Television

My social networks aren't just for entertainment; they allow me to better understand the behavior of large groups. There is a saying something to the effect of 'a person is not dumb but people are stupid'. In less offensive terms: when we herd together, we tend to not think as much. One thought resonates amongst the group as being accurate and that is what we go with. Facts are ignored. Logic is forgotten and assumptions run rampant. Internet "crowds" are not easily reasoned with sometimes due to there being far more opinions that match irrational conclusions. Separate just one person from the crowd and their individual thought process will likely express a different opinion...after they're presented with a viewpoint that makes sense. Group thinking is usually the cause of this.

So, I didn't watch the first or second season of the above show because:

1. I didn't like the harsh judgment spewed out at the cast, knowing that some of the people making these grandiose judgments/assumptions, HATE being judged themselves.
2. I know that these shows are edited to keep viewers interested, not necessarily to shed light on who they REALLY are. 

This isn't to say that their show behavior isn't part of their personality but Producers display them as one dimensional creatures, which is a bit unfair. I understand that some might be putting on for viewers but others seem genuine. I'm no stranger to how reality shows work either since I've developed and assisted in the creation of two. One of which got picked up by a well known television station but was dropped due to creative differences and another that is a great show waiting to "happen". Everything isn't always what it seems on these shows.

This season caught my attention though because of Consequence and Joe Budden. One is married to a cast member and the other used to date one of the women. However, THE WOMEN are still the focus of the show. Kind of feels like it should have been called Women in Hip Hop. That title isn't catchy but I digress. After watching a couple of the episodes, it made sense who people were referencing on my social networks.

It also allowed me to see the uglier side of some I wish I hadn't witnessed. 

In an effort to understand other human beings, I question a lot of things. Not in the sense of who are you to do this or that. More so from a place of curiosity, as in why are you doing that. I'm a believer that a solution exists in every problem that we have. So when these people's lives are ripped apart by the entertained public, I begin to question how many think their life is better...or if it just feels good to see a perceived bad situation if you're in one too. I don't know any of the cast to say they have shitty lives but some of my followers FEEL otherwise. I say feel because it isn't clear that they're even THINKing. How many people ask themselves "if I was on TV would my life LOOK drama free? Would I be viewed as the same person I portray myself to be online"?

I'll be the first to admit, my life on television would probably cause some to stop and give me a side eye. The full spectrum of who I am cannot be captured on any social network. For one, I have a husband and child that I have to respect. While my husband knows ALL of my perceived weaknesses/flaws and the un-PC things I do/say in the privacy of my home, it isn't within my best interest to unleash that on people every chance I get. Is it being fake? Not in the least. If that were the case, ALL of us would have to be plugged into the Matrix 24/7 so there wouldn't be a chance of our followers missing anything. Those I'm close to know the layers of who I am outside of my logins. What the online communities see in regards to me is accurate information about who I am, it just isn't EVERYTHING.

I view these reality shows the same way. There are parts of these people's lives that we will never know about. Looking at the cast's antics as a form of entertainment is one of the most reasonable ways to view them. However, it has become far more than that. Wild assumptions fly and while we could blame it on what the Producers choose to show us, it is displayed as jealousy/envy, judgment, and jackassery. So no sooner than I start to watch some reality based programs, I quickly stop.

I don't have much faith in our current society falling back from harshly judging so maybe someone will figure out a way to show the real side of reality television. Then again that would be called a documentary so, there's that.

All Opinions Are Not Facts

I am a huge fan of opinions. Regardless of them being aligned with my own, I enjoy the difference. It gives us an opportunity to SEE that we do think differently. Also gives us a chance to understand why some people process life the way they do. As much as I enjoy hearing/reading thoughts that run through others minds, I take no delight in opinions being pushed onto others. When I say that, it is not to be confused with facts. Everything that we think is not always based on truthful or factual information. How we feel about something is JUST that. It isn't 100% factual. 

With that being said, here are a few OPINIONS that people LOVE to herald as universal truths. A little logical thinking would reveal the real truth but alas, some like to be irrational so...

1) no one is born gay/no one chooses to be gay

I chuckle when I hear this one. Just because you might not personally know anyone who has had homosexual tendencies since they were a child, doesn't mean they don't exist. Same goes for someone who explores their sexual side in full. Just because you've known them to date and sleep with the opposite sex, that doesn't mean their walk on the wild side caused them to not be open to other possibilities. Yes, there are a million and one things that can be said to support your argument. Unless you poll everyone on the planet though, you're arguing a losing battle.

2) if you have all male friends, you're an untrustworthy female/whore

People just shout out things sometimes because their life experiences dictate it to be a truth. None of our lives are the blueprints to human interaction. If a little girl was raised by her father, mainly hung around her uncles, brothers, and male cousins, it would stand to reason that she'd have closer male relationships, than female. Even in a 2-parent home, if the daughter is drawn to her father over her mother, his traits and character will resonate with her more. Children emulate their parents ALL the time. So if a woman doesn't have very many women friends, it may be due to a comfort level, not because she wants to fuck every male within breathing distance.

3) open relationships are bullshit and never work

Those who have said this, I want to ask TWO questions. Have you been privy to EVERY open relationship that ever existed? Have you been in one? We already know the answer to the first question. The second...if you've been in a open relationship and it didn't work, that's it. YOUR relationship didn't work; why would you generalize something simply because it was a bust for you? At this point, it becomes more of an emotional discussion, not logical. Logically speaking, there are successful open relationships. A lot of people who want to debate it [from my experiences], usually have never been in one, are jaded, and/or just like being an argumentative asshole. ANY type of relationship requires work, whether it's a little or a lot. Regardless of personal feelings on relationships being open, review ALL of your own. If you haven't managed to make any of them work, it can be said that your relationships are bullshit too. Doesn't make it true; just an opinion.

4) someone who used to live a sexually "wild" life is not marriage material

If you don't want to marry someone who could be categorized as a hobag, that's cool. We all like things. However, everyone isn't you. Some people aren't looking for good guys/girls. Therefore, why would they be interested in marrying one? Amongst ALL the reasons I chose to marry my husband, one was because he has similar sex drive to me. I wanted to be with someone who wasn't shy about sex, someone who knew what they liked but wasn't a complete stick in the mud about other things either. So how much sense would it have made for either of us to marry someone with more traditionally conservative views of marriage? We'd have broken up years ago. Just ask your mothers and aunts about their sex lives. You either won't ask or your definition of whore might change some. Point is, "you can't turn a hoe into a housewife", is an opinion and everyone who lives unrepressed sexual lives aren't signing up to be single forever.

This post could go on but the point that all opinions aren't facts has been expressed. Any time we state something and we apply it to all or most people, we're making generalized statements. Those comments don't leave room for any human being that chooses to operate differently from a perceived norm. No matter what is going on that makes us feel our opinions are facts, we're all intelligent enough life forms to understand that life isn't ONE SIZE fits all...and it never will be.

Partnering Up: The Best/Worst Things to Do

Teams are usually created out of a sense of necessity. While most determined people would love to have their hands on every aspect of their project, enlisting help sometimes is best. Working as a team has been known to increase efficiency and accomplish more in a shorter period of time. However, partnering up with others is not without its challenges. There are a plethora of things that contribute to the order and chaos of collaborating with someone else.

Some of the Worst Things to Do When Partnering Up

Not take others thought process/style of work into consideration: In a lot of cases, working closely together will reveal differences that could get in the way of progress. Figuring out how to make them complement one another and implementing it, helps. One must never forget that if you could do it all by yourself, you would not need a partner.

Having no regard for the scope/schedule of work: Entering into a partnership suggests that you are willing to abide by whatever agreement has been arranged. Prolonging things and/or not giving your partner enough time to complete their portion also shows a lack of consideration. If changes come up, communication is best instead of assuming it is okay to make an adjustment where someone else’s input is required.

Practice bad communication: Communication is the most essential key in making any partnership work. Even if the original idea was yours and you created the team. The saying, “there’s no ‘I’ in TEAM” exists for a reason. Withholding information or assuming you know what is best for everyone will dissolve a team quicker than you put it together. By communicating effectively, everyone can be on the same page and continue to create what they were brought together for.

Some of the Best Things to Do When Partnering Up

Know who you’re working with: Working closely with someone requires that you get to know them as much as you’d like them to know you. Teaming up with someone who could be your clone could be a constant ego boost but it is never as beneficial as working with someone who can balance out the strengths and weaknesses.

Separate the workload accordingly: Just as everyone does not think the same, we do not all work the same either. Keeping this in mind will allow teammates to realistically approach tasks. Some might do more/less than others but in certain areas, it is necessary. Understanding each other’s roles allows for the workload to be allocated in a fair manner.

Be honest: This is something that is always easier said than done. It works closely with effective communication. Partnering up with someone says that you are ready to take someone else’s input, time, and life into account. So we have to be reasonable when changes come about that can affect the partnership. Having open and honest lines of interaction will allow all parties involved to stay focused on the goal versus taking anything personally.

There are many projects we can successfully tackle on our own. These are better left to a one (wo)man show. Larger, more detailed ventures can have a greater outcome with the right people operating together. This always aids in any partnership being lucrative. The end product is not about one person. Knowing and acknowledging that before beginning a collective effort will save everyone the chaos that ensues when we do not know the best and worst of partnering up.

[originally posted on www.femmelagloire.com © 2012 Syn Delano]

The Steve Jobs Way of Being Successful

Steve Jobs is a household name by virtue of Apple Inc. The innovative technology this company presents to consumers worldwide, earned him a spot in history as one of the Greats. He was able to attain an incredible level of success before his untimely demise. Anyone interested in procuring success would do well to take note of some of the basic principles that propelled him to the top.

Work hard

Some might think that this goes without saying. However, working hard involves lots of sacrifice and a willingness to keep going when everyone else gives up or decides to take breaks. Steve Jobs felt that “you have to work hard to get your thinking clean to make [things] simple. But it’s worth it in the end because once you get there, you can move mountains.”

Be innovative

Introducing new things to people is often met with opposition. Change is one of those things that either has to happen when no one is paying attention or it has to fulfill a need others didn’t know they had. Taking the initiative to present ideas that are out of the box is far more effective than asking permission to do something different. According to Steve, “you can’t just ask customers what they want and then try to give that to them. By the time you get it built, they’ll want something new.”

Be an inspiration to others

By helping others, you in turn help yourself. Steve Jobs had the infectious type of personality that constantly moved others to tap into their greatest potential. Friend and former colleague, Randy Adams, stated that Jobs, “was like electricity - he was giving off this incredible force. It was inspirational. He lifted you. I used to believe when I was with Steve, you could do anything. You could change the world. When he died, a little bit of that feeling left me. There’s no one like him.”

Persevere

To be successful at anything requires determination. Remembering that some goals take longer than others allows you to keep things in perspective versus feeling as if things are taking too long and they are never going to materialize. Setbacks might enter the picture and discourage us but it helps to look at those who have succeeded. Jobs created Apple and then was fired from his own company. This didn’t stop him from moving forward with his goals. He went on to start Pixar Animation Studios and Apple eventually ended up asking him to come back on board. His perseverance paid off.

The journey to achievement will have plenty of distractions so it is important to stay focused on the end goal. This was also something Steve Jobs believed in. There isn’t one specific recipe to fulfilling everyone's dream. However, by observing the habits and practices of those who are where we desire to be, we will remain on the right track to being successful.

[originally posted on www.femmelagloire.com © 2012 Syn Delano]

Choosing to Be Nice vs. Repulsive

I have a friend who acts amazed that I'm friendly to people I don't need to be nice to. We're in our 5th year of friendship and this still makes her laugh at me. It makes me no never mind. I'm not nice to get anything out of anyone. It just comes natural to me to be cheerful, kind, and smile. If someone else [not speaking of my friend] is bothered by this, THAT makes ME laugh. 

Why are you annoyed that someone else prefers to be pleasant than being a crotchety cunt? You do realize how moronic that is, considering positivity isn't a bad thing?

Some of the misconceptions I often hear attached to those who have a pleasant demeanor are as follows:

• they aren't really happy/nice

I understand that there are Happiness Impostors out there. I get it. However, if some of us brainy farts are as intelligent as we lead on, it should be understood that ALL people aren't faking the funk. If you genuinely take comfort in being a grouchy asshole, why does the possibility of someone enjoying the polite life, seem far fetched? I attribute that to the pessimism instinctively connected to being mean all the time. Of course, this is no different than a happy person assuming a miserable person doesn't want to be down all the time. I used to think like that because of how draining it is [to me] to revel in melancholy. Good old logic and life has shown, some people DO bask in the darkness of their sadness. THAT is what makes them feel alive and there is NOTHING anyone else can do about it. So, leave them alone and let them be who they want.

• they're only being nice because they want something

I understand that there are Wolves in Sheep Clothing, waiting to use other peoples kindness as a weakness. The best line of reasoning I can assign this notion is simply asking the accuser, "are YOU one of the wolves?" If the answer is "Yes", with a wicked smile that makes you feel like you are their next victim, flee. Unless you're a glutton for punishment. If the answer is "No" in a slightly offended tone, they've pretty much given credit to the fact that everyone isn't out to take advantage of others.

• they're attention whores and need friends

So you would assume, without knowing anything about someone, that they need friends? Maybe, it is you who needs a friend. Revel in your angst all you like but while it is true that there are other Mopey Mandy's and Evil Eddie's, people do exist who are the complete opposite. Consider this for a second...some people draw others to them BECAUSE they're enjoyable to be around. If you aren't familiar with this and don't care to be, it's your world, do you. Aldous Huxley stated that "facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored". It is factual that everyone doesn't behave the same.

• they're idiots, gullible, stupid, [insert some more intended insults thrown out to make them feel better about their assumptions]

When did it become idiotic and stupid to be kind? I suppose if you've been fucked over a lot in life, it makes sense that this ideal would be adopted. It's understandable that you wouldn't want this to happen to you and definitely not repeatedly. Listen to yourself though. To indicate that you aren't nice because all it does is get you taken advantage of says more than you're willing to admit. At some point, you wanted to be nice to others too, you just CHOSE to do the opposite. This is a defense mechanism, not necessarily how you've always viewed things. You successfully shoot holes in your own assumption [theory]. Being hurt sometimes makes us keep our patronus out permanently to deflect other assholes from approaching. I get that too. That's your baggage speaking for you, not a universal truth.

It should be understood that no one is so one-dimensional that they never exude traits opposite of how we usually see them behave. Meaning, even the nicest person has Mean Girl days, just as Cuntastic individuals have breakthroughs where they like someone enough to get married, have kids, and actually show they can love something other than their evil misery. It happens because we're human.

So even though my friend chuckles at my cheery disposition, she's well aware that I can rip someones head off and spit down their throat. Without blinking once. If you want to be a mean ass, by all means, soak up all the assholery. Those who want to sniff unicorn ass, taste the rainbow, and giggle more than scowling like we bit a lemon? Let them live the sweet life.

You can always take comfort in the fact that one more happy person leaves more room for you to be a dick about life.

What Does Feminism Mean to You?

Feminism has always been about the rights of women, to me. Since the first time I was able to see bias shown between boys and girls, by adults, I was interested in how to make things fair. Hearing, "this is just what boys do" and "girls don't do that", made me want to find out why. Something as simple as wearing red and green versus pink and purple; playing with Transformers & G.I. Joe toys instead of dolls and dressing up. Even wanting to read comic books in addition to my Sweet Valley High books, was pointed out as something odd.

As I entered high school, it became clear that other things would separate males and females because of their genitals. If you had a concern that you wanted/needed addressed, it was always asked if you were on your period or why you were complaining/whining. When guys spoke up about things they didn't like or wanted changed, they were commended for not being a pussy and taking the initiative to get things done. None of this made sense and it was what sparked my initial interest in feminism.

As I read more about feminists and what they stood for, I grew to understand that feminism was about the RIGHT to do what you wanted as a female human. Limitations weren't to be put on you simply because you had a vagina. If you worked a long, hard day of work, you deserved to be paid the same amount as a man who was capable of doing the same job. If you wanted to accomplish your goal to become a business owner/high-level executive/housewife/mother, no one had the RIGHT to tell you to go do something else.

As I got older, I began to realize a lot of women wanted to deny their fellow sisters the RIGHT to choose what they wanted too. Except it was on the other end of the spectrum. "Oh, she thinks she's better than us because she doesn't want to get married and have kids. Who does she think she is?" "She needs to act like a lady and settle down with one guy, get married, and have kids" "She's lying. All women want to be married and have kids". I hear women say these things about each other and it saddens me because what was the point of a feminist movement if some of us were going to replace the oppressive role men had over us and tell other women what they should be doing? 

The most unnerving thing was...a lot of these women call themselves feminist too. It got to a point where I didn't want to be associated with a group that wanted to take control of HOW we were oppressed versus ending the oppression altogether.

When I see women who CHOOSE to be strippers, entertainers[singers, rappers, actors, etc.] who wear little clothing, look at dating the same way as men [exercising their RIGHT to date multiple people until deciding on The One], and pretty much go against traditional grain, I STILL see feminism. It isn't any different than a woman who decides to put her career before having a family. It's a CHOICE that ALL women are entitled to. It NEVER stopped being our HUMAN RIGHT to choose what we wanted out of life. No different than voting rights. If someone chooses not to vote, it is STILL their CHOICE and no one has the right to make them feel bad for not exercising it.

It is now 2013; 28 years from the first time I realized how stupid it is to tell someone else what they can't do/should be doing with their life, because they're a female. I won't be a fool and say nothing has changed, because it has. I'm interested in where we as women will be collectively and individually when it comes to our rights, 30 more years from now. I don't want my daughter to deal with males/females telling her what she can/can't do because she has a vagina. I want this close-minded view of things to die out so that it's understood that no human being is one-dimensional. Each of us have different things going on that will determine, who/what we become in life. Whatever my daughter decides she wants to do/be, I want it to be one not influenced by other people who only want to control others because they aren't busy enough in their own life.

Feminism can be defined many different ways since its origin over 175 years ago. It still has one universal meaning that everyone should never forget; having equal rights to men.