Monday, July 14

Dear Boys and Men:

Imagine a world where you fell in love with the girl/woman of your dreams and had a beautiful child. That child was a little girl that captivated your heart with so much ease, you swore to protect her at any cost. You fell even more in love with her mother because she also made this child possible.

Imagine that in this world, there are men who aren't concerned in the least bit with how much you love that woman or child. As soon as your daughter begins to physically blossom into a woman, those same types of men feel entitled to that same precious child's body, whether she gives consent or not. That same child you hold dear to your heart. 

So when her and her mother walk down the street, whether they are together, by themselves, or with others, there is no guarantee that they won't be called a bitch because they have no desire to give out their phone number. They have to remember not to wear certain types of attire, even in their own homes because male humans are allowed to use lack of self-control as a reason to rape others. 

Imagine in this world there are also male humans that you are friends with, work next to everyday, and actually share the same blood with that put all the responsibility of controlling their sexual urges, off on women who don't even know they exist. If they're interested in your sister, female cousin, or female best friend and the feeling isn't mutual, she is a whore, slut, or stuck up. 

Imagine that in this same world the women you value are also called whore, slut, and bitch because they decide to have sex. It doesn't matter if it is her first, fifth, or fifteenth time. There are men that you associate with that label your female counterparts negatively, whether they are chaste or promiscuous.

In this same world, it is expected that female humans have above novice level of sexual knowledge but there is a limit placed on how many people she should experience before she makes it to whatever male human decides he wants to date or spend the rest of his life with her. That limit changes for every male human, even though their perspective is, the more partners they have, it makes them a better lover, as men. Their belief in regards to women is, the more lovers, the less worthy of being loved. Sexually experienced women are more likely to be viewed as unclean, whereas lots of men look up to men who are sexually experienced.

Imagine that in this world, any male human who insists that other men treat women as fellow human beings versus possessions, is shunned by his brethren. He is called a pussy, soft, "just agreeing with women to get some ass", and other things that indicate he is viewed as a traitor to other men. Unless he gives some notion that he views women as lesser beings than men, some men view him as even less than the women he stands up for. 

Imagine a little girl/teenager/woman experiencing all of this in one day. 

Open your eyes. Call several of the closest women you know. Ask them if any of this is just in their imagination. 

The world so many male humans think we as female humans just imagine, is actually a real thing. Please remember that the next time you hear/see a woman you don't know make mention of rape, street harassment, unwanted advances, etc. Then realize that it has become such a societal norm that it's easier to NOT talk about it than to attempt to get ALL men to understand it isn't an imagined world. It's actually happening and every woman has experienced one of the above...and unfortunately, more. Your wife, girlfriend, daughter, sister, mother, cousin, aunt, best friend is not imagining subtle or aggressive attacks simply because she has a vagina.

Now, imagine a world where none of the above is the norm for anyone. THAT IS actually WHAT girls and women imagine.

Tuesday, May 20

What's Going On With Women in Position's of Power?


Anne Baldassari devoted 23 years of her life to the Picasso Museum, ran it for 9 of those years but was fired last week. She was responsible for the museums growth since she was brought on board. Her influence and work speaks for itself as The Guardian states that she "is renowned as a Picasso expert and has been the driving force behind the upgrading of the museum and its collection [of 5,000 paintings]". However, the staff accused her of "brutal management and [running a] regime of fear".


The Editor of Le Monde, Natalie Nougayrède, resigned last week after a little over a year as Editor in Chief. The New York Times reports that she was "criticized by her staff for a top-down management style and an inability to build consensus" even though their issue was with them being resistant to changes she was making to get Le Monde up to speed with the digital world. She was the first woman to be Editor in Chief and Director.


Jill Abramson was fired from her role as Executive Director at The New York Times last week. NBC News reported her as having "a pattern of behavior including "arbitrary decision-making, a failure to consult and bring colleagues with her, inadequate communication and the public mistreatment of colleagues". She was the first female Executive Editor in The New York Time's 160 year history.

I'm of the opinion that the complaints formed against these pioneers in art and journalism, are not coincidental. Had these firings and resignation taken place farther apart, it might have been a stretch to connect the dots. However, all of these occurrences happened in the last week so it begs for us to pay attention.

Women in positions of power often face being called bossy, difficult, and a bitch for operating no different than their male counterparts. All while still not receiving equal pay for equal work. The situations of the three women above force everyone to acknowledge that this problem is far more prevalent and real than a lot of people choose to admit. The pink elephant in the room just grew bigger. How much larger does it have to become before corrective action is implemented?

Thursday, November 7

Almost 70% of The United States of America Have Some Form of Stand Your Ground Laws


There are 34 states that have some form of stand your ground laws. With the recent shooting and killing of Trayvon Martin and Renisha McBride (both unarmed teenage Black/African Americans people), it becomes even more cause for concern among our communities. Some of these laws state that if a person FEELS threatened or PERCEIVES that there is a threat, they have a right to use deadly force to apprehend/stop the person they FEEL threatened by. I capitalized the letters of the words “feel(s)” and “perceives” because it’s important to understand that if someone already has a bias/prejudice or discriminates against a specific group of people, they can claim they FELT threatened and be within their rights to act on their EMOTIONS. A lot of stand your ground laws will protect someone, as illogical as that sounds, THIS is our justice system. It cannot get any clearer that it is STILL not safe to appear/be Black/African American. 

Here is a list of the states, in case anyone wants to research the statutes/limitations in their area:
  • Alabama
  • Alaska
  • Arizona
  • California
  • Florida
  • Georgia
  • Indiana
  • Iowa
  • Kansas
  • Kentucky
  • Louisiana
  • Maine
  • Massachusetts
  • Michigan
  • Mississippi
  • Missouri
  • Montana
  • New Hampshire
  • North Carolina
  • North Dakota
  • Ohio
  • Oklahoma
  • Pennsylvania
  • Rhode Island
  • South Carolina
  • South Dakota
  • Tennessee
  • Texas
  • Utah
  • Virginia
  • West Virginia
  • Washington
  • Wisconsin
  • Wyoming

Friday, October 18

This Thing Called Love...


It is my belief that every person alive is capable of loving something/someone, no matter our personal opinions/judgments of others. From personal experiences and some observations, there's an ongoing battle of WHAT love really is, HOW we should love, and WHO should be loved. Some say that WE ARE love; others believe that love is something that has to be cultivated before we can give or be it; yet and still there are others who do not freely give love because their understanding is that everyone doesn't deserve that exchange with them. 

Depending on how we are raised, the life we've lived, and where we're headed, the definition of love changes. On a surface level, it can also be understood that the kind of love we all deserve is one free from negativity. So why set a time limit on when we can give deep affection to others, especially when it causes them to have positive exchanges with others?

If that stigma disappeared, it is my belief that the act of love would occur more frequently. Instead we're told that we have to KNOW someone to love them. Know exactly what though? How much knowledge should we amass before we share pure emotion with others? We could spend everyday with someone for 10 years and STILL not know everything there is to know about them. On the other hand, I've spent months with some people and acquired more knowledge about them through intimate conversation/interaction than they've shared with people who've known them all their life. 

It doesn't really cost us anything to give another person love. Granted, not everyone will want to be loved by us for a multitude of reasons and as much as that might hurt our ego, it should be understood that everyone isn't going to like us enough to be vulnerable with us. If there is one thing I know, regardless of our style of love, it should NEVER be forced on each other because it won't feel or be viewed as something positive. It's my hope that we can get to a place of being comfortable enough to say "this isn't working" without retaliation because the feelings aren't mutual. It would keep us from wasting valuable time that could be spent on those who want to love/be loved by us, specifically.

When we effectively communicate, give people space and allow them their right to say what works for them and what doesn't, we create more room for healthy love. We'd get happier people and a byproduct of that is...more love being given and received. Positive exchanges of love don't rub us raw but actually have been known to heal parts of our souls and minds that have been damaged by negative experiences. The lack of love? I've grown to believe a lot of us have experienced this far more than we'd like and that's what makes this thing called love so difficult...

Friday, September 27

The Great (g)od Hype Complex


I've always thought it was irrational to think that everyone should like us. No one is created to be liked by every human being. Granted, there are things that some people choose not to like simply due to preference but to think people are being fucked up because they don't like us? Mind boggling.

Our opinions of ourselves are always what's most important. Think greatly or lowly of yourself. Definitely your choice. If we want to pull a Kanye and call ourselves a god, by all means, do that too. Being delusional about our entire persona doesn't assist in more people being enamored with us. 

We can believe our own hype for the rest of our lives. The problem, I see, is when we try to force everyone else to accept the greatness of who we believe ourselves to be. Everyone isn't going to care. They'd sooner make fun of us than see what we're trying so hard to prove. If we sincerely have no fucks to give about being liked, everyone in the world could have a reason for not liking us. It won't affect our self-ordained godliness...or at least it shouldn't.

I guess that's the paradox of having a God complex...we actually care a WHOLE lot.





Wednesday, July 24

Being Close-Minded Slows Down Your Brain


I'm not a doctor so there are no scientific facts behind MY statement that being close-minded slows down brain function. However, if you took a topic that appears to be unfathomable, a close-minded person tends to form an opinion and stick with it before they consider any other possibilities.

Sometimes entertaining and accepting the idea that there ARE different people and ways of doing things, is too much for some people. Life is easier when we don't look at it outside of the bubble we know. Some of us choose to sign up for a lifetime membership of ignorance simply to attain the bliss associated with not knowing. So I get it; some people don't want to retain or consider MORE knowledge because then they have to "do better". The reality is, everyone isn't the same so close-minded individuals will probably always exist. The big thing is, deciding what type of thinker we want to go through life being.


Wednesday, July 10

The [Colored] Elephant in the Room




 The tragic thing about Colorism is that we'd rather fight each other or pretend to ignore the elephant in the room, than appreciate the variety we have and become unified..

Motivating Yourself to Success

(I wrote this 2 years ago but it's still relevant. Enjoy!)



We are always encouraged to be our own biggest motivator in life. However, there are those who will judge what we are going after, without even knowing our driving force. 

I was reading a Rolling Stone article about Nicki Minaj and she stated what her motivation to succeed in life was. Her father abused drugs, alcohol, and her mother. So she credits her ambition to that.



"When I first came to America, I would go in my room and kneel down at the foot of my bed and pray that God would make me rich so that I could take care of my mother. Because I always felt like if I took care of my mother, my mother wouldn't have to stay with my father, and he was the one, at the time, that was bringing us pain. We didn't want him around at all, and so I always felt like being rich would cure everything, and that was always what drove me".

Unfortunately, her money has not coerced her mother to leave because "her parents still live together, and her father isn't happy about her airing his past". Now that she has a successful career as the current leading lady in hip hop, I am sure she is not just going to give up because her driving force has changed. She has a "five-year plan [that] includes a film career, a perfume line, a clothing line and maybe record that feature her singing as much as rapping". 

[UPDATE: Nicki has already accomplished everything in her five-year plan mentioned above. She's been a voice over in a movie, slated to be in another movie next year; was the executive producer of her own documentary, Nicki Minaj: My Truth; starred as herself on several television shows; we've definitely heard her singing on her own albums as well as features on others.]

I am not highlighting these things because I have thrown on my cape to come to Nicki's rescue. I am sharing these things because it is easy to look at someone like her and attack them for the obvious. She is doing what she feels is necessary to succeed and even though we personally might not go that route, it IS working. So who are we to really say it is wrong? Who are we to say that she wasn't blessed with the very thing she prayed for? She was a child, probably saying that prayer every chance she got...to take that from someone is essentially shitting on another person hopes and dreams.

For those who cannot get past the character that Nicki presents herself to be, consider the following example.



Millions are inspired by the success of Shawn Carter (Jay-Z) and that speaks volumes. Some of the people who idolize him, despise their neighborhood drug dealer. Morally, ethically, and legally, we know that selling drugs is wrong. However, if your contribution to society is larger than what you took from your neighborhood, people are quite forgiving. Shawn has ALWAYS been Shawn but he only became Jay-Z when he made an effort to remove himself from the drug game. His end, justified his means.

I used these two megastars as examples because morally, they can be easy targets but still relative to people we know. Many individuals will pardon the struggles that celebrities have experienced to get what we believe is their final destination of success. Are we that understanding of 'normal' everyday people we rub elbows with? Unfortunately, I see far more judging.

When we see certain routes that others take to accomplish their goals/dreams, we should view it no different than how we see those who've already succeeded. Everyone has a different journey in life and we get there the best way we know how...or the best way we can.

Friday, May 31

Online Social Networks & Relationships



With the growth of social networks, more and more people are developing relationships online that become truly worthwhile. While some still view it as weird to make friends, meet the love of your life, and hang out with someone you interact with through tweets, wall statuses, and blog posts, there is no denying that these people are still flesh and blood. Some might go to great lengths to pretend to be someone they really aren't because when they log out out of a social network, their offline life isn't as enjoyable. Either way it goes, social networks aren't JUST some imaginary place to talk to imaginary people. No matter the level of delusion we make ourselves succumb to in order to say "these people aren't real to me", it sends the message that when you log on, you don't consider yourself to be real either.

While we all use social networks for different things (business, socializing, out of boredom, for attention, etc.), there's no denying, we're STILL on them. No matter how close we allow ourselves to get to others, to discount any interaction we might have had is to also diminish who we are. So what happens when the social experience has worn out its welcome with certain people?

As in real life, it becomes difficult for some to walk away because they don't want someone to get upset. However, if it's JUST Twitter/Facebook/Tumblr/Instagram, why does it matter all of a sudden? It didn't before they unfollowed you or are people really honest with themselves about these networks just being something to do to pass time? It becomes obvious that there is a bias, depending on who it is that unfollows some people. If you know them offline or knew them before online social networking took over the world, feelings tend to get hurt.

I've been accused of getting into my feelings about being unfollowed when that wasn't the issue. If we are REAL friends AND have an offline friendship, I will ALWAYS address anything that seems off. This is not some right I only give myself; I extend it to anyone who has ever called me a friend. Otherwise, we don't have a real friendship. Do I feel ALL my friends NEED to follow me on everything for us to maintain a friendship? Most certainly not. ALL of my close friends could unfollow me today and while it would strike me as odd, I'm not going to be bent out of shape about it. Maybe they don't like what I have to say when I'm online and they're allowed that. A REAL friendship dictates that we have something of substance whether we can see what each other are saying/doing online or not. 

Why aren't we seriously asking ourselves why online networks play SUCH an important part in whether we stay friends with people if we had a decent relationship before the internet existed? If they were SUCH awesome people we could brag about online, what changed when they unfollowed us that made them less worthy of friendship? If we're fortunate enough to meet quality people online that we care to meet offline, shouldn't our bond sustain us past a follow? I would like to think so but the evolution of the word friend and various levels of maturity state otherwise. 

I've been the unfollowed and I've been the unfollower. Offline, I've been unfriended and I've had to unfriend people. Online, while it might be an easier task, the after effects when someone's feelings are attached to it, are still the same as offline. There should be a clear line of distinction though that if I'm telling you we're still friends after an unfollow, it isn't the same as sitting someone down and saying "I don't want to be friends with you anymore". Being tolerant of others involves leaving people alone to do as they please on their social networks. So if you're constantly contradicting yourself after I've sat and had hour long conversations with you, being excessively negative, an online bully, and/or lying about your life, I'm going to unfollow you. I don't want that experience offline and it's far easier to control ONLINE. 

I say all this to say...I'm of the old school when it comes to having REAL friends. If I got $5, you got $2.50. If you don't want to be lied to, don't lie to me. If you want me to herald you as great, you better be extolling me too. If you say you love me, it requires more than liking my pictures on Instagram, replying to tweets, and/or feeding my ego that doesn't need any more stroking as it is. While the internet has made life easy in tons of areas, ALL relationships STILL require human, not electronic effort. If you don't have it to give or don't want to be honest about preferring not so deep interaction, it isn't going to work. So an unfollow should be the least of our concerns when it comes to our REAL friends.

Tuesday, May 7

Introvert Doesn't Mean Depressed, Sad or Hater of All Living Things


While there are Introverts that are depressed, sad and hate humankind, those aren't the defining characteristics of who they are. 

Living in a world that expects you to be extroverted all the time, can become uncomfortable to an Introvert. Some people want to force them to be around others, participate in things that are of no interest to them (for the sake of the crowd), and smile when they just want to sit and think. Contrary to what lots of people might think they know about me, I'm not an Extrovert. The people I share this with usually stare at me like I'm lying but I enjoy time with myself more than I do being surrounded by others. 

It has made it difficult to be around certain people without being drunk and/or high. When I was younger, I didn't want to have to explain why reading on a Friday night was more enjoyable than chasing guys. Often times, I'd disappear and remain that way until someone came looking for me to hang out. It was always an indicator that I had been by myself for a [more than] reasonable amount of time. It is also the main reason I don't really like unnecessary attention. Many Extroverts will argue (unknown) Introverts down about everyone wanting attention like they do. This couldn't be farther from the truth. Being the center of attention is not an Introverts idea of a good time. So what exactly is an Introvert?

notice who he's with? no one.  he isn't lonely/bored.
more than likely having a blast...by himself. 


Introverts are people who don't feel the need to talk all the time. Silence doesn't bother them, in fact, they look forward to it. Chatty Cathy's and people who demand you engage in small talk are at the top of most Introvert's list of Annoying People. Introverts, while liking time alone, do engage in fun activities with others but might disappear from the action out of nowhere. It is the alone time that recharges our internal batteries so that we can feel up to hanging out again. Constant human interaction can be draining and trigger behavior that begins to look like they hate people. Asking them what's wrong, why they aren't getting drunk, why aren't they dancing, why, why, why every 5 seconds, only makes them "hate" YOU, not humanity. Many Extroverts take it upon themselves to pull Introverts out of what they believe to be a shy shell. Not all Introverts are shy. Sometimes they just want to sit and observe the world in peace. Getting in their face about it only pushes them farther away from wanting to be around you.

Whereas Extroverts come across as being activated 24/7, Introverts reside in the land of chill unless provoked to leave. They're about doing things when they're ready to; not a moment sooner. Some people think that Introverts prefer to be Mutes. This isn't the case. If you asked my husband how much I talk at home, he'd tell you that he wishes I would shut up sometimes. We tend to have far more interesting conversations with each other than I do with others. So I have a lot to say. However, he can also attest to many days I will be in the same room as him and have nothing to say to the point that he asks me several times, "Are you okay?" Introverts don't talk just to hear the melodic sound of their own voice. They usually speak when they have something worth saying.

I've been labeled everything from weird to snobbish, to rude because of who I naturally am. Plenty of misunderstandings have been had because what is considered normal to Extroverts, just isn't my cup of tea. I even had someone stop being my friend because she said I didn't want to do everything she wanted to do, when she wanted to do it. according to her, this made me a bad friend. Totally irrational thought process and it happened because she didn't understand who I am. If I had to ask one thing of Extroverts who insist on Introverts liking them, it's to make a better effort to understand those who are not like them. While being an Extrovert is considered normal, introverted behavior is often seen as being anti-social, that we're mean, and that we need to be psychologically evaluated. When none of that is usually the case...we're just different.



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