Thursday, January 24

Is It Love You Want or The Semblance of It?


I can't help but observe certain things about people the more they pop up as "serious" topics of discussion. The older I get and the more friends/family/associates of mine who aren't getting married, the more I hear the Forever Alone spill. While listening to their cries and concerns, I also hear how badly they want to experience a real love. Something unconditional. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to see that they'll probably continue down this path because of the following:

  • what their friends/family/associates think about the love of their life is more important than what they think AND feel
  • self-sabotage 
  • conventional norms
AND most importantly,
  • they want to be unconditionally loved but their list of requirements for a mate suggest they won't be reciprocating that same kind of love
Some people [especially my fellow women] might want to scratch my eyes out and I'm sure I heard a few "shut up bitch" mumbles. I have a question though. When did love become about everyone else but you AND the person you claim to love or want to be loved by? I understand that this is nothing new. People have been dating/getting engaged/marrying people they don't love as much as someone else since the beginning of time. However, I'm confused by those who, due to their misery inducing decisions, begin to condemn/judge/turn their nose up at those who love AND STAY with the person they REALLY want. There is NOTHING wrong with saying "THIS IS WHO I CHOOSE TO BE WITH. FUCK ANYONE'S OPINION OF THEM".

It makes me want to slam some people's heads together. Not because of their choice to be miserable. Solely because they shit on love and anyone fortunate to have received it into their life. You can go to hell but why attempt to drag others there with you? 

I'll admit it. Loving someone deeply is NOT easy. I'll never lie about that. It gets easier once we manage to stop making everything about ourselves though. This wholehearted love I speak of HAS to be a mutual thing; otherwise you'll be giving your all and still thinking love hates you because you're getting a shitty return. Which is an entirely different blog post. So when someone tells me that love shouldn't be hard, or viewed as work/a job, I just laugh. If you EVER get the chance to find YOUR one [true love], trust and believe there are people out there who WILL be happy for you. It makes me smile inside because love inspires things in people they sometimes never knew they were capable of.  When your happiness is inspired by love, you can't help but pass love on to others. So, I WANT people to love each other!

I just wish more of us would stop walking around being mad at love and claiming that it doesn't love us. If we are spending our valuable time keeping track of ALL the people who don't love us, when do we find time to focus on ALL the people who DO love us? Maybe, we should try learning how to love ourselves better before we go demanding someone romantically give us their all. As humans, we are naturally self-serving but we have to be willing to admit where we can be unnecessarily selfish with our time, hearts, and...love. 

Instead of concentrating on a list of all the things "I ain't gone do", would it hurt to create a list of the things "I will do" for love? At the end of the day, we ALL have options. Whether or not we choose the right person is contingent on the level of happiness we choose to settle for. If we haven't managed to master treating ourselves as well as we intend to treat the person we're "dying" to love unconditionally, love will continue to seem like a fleeting thought/feeling.

So here's to love...may everyone experience it with the person that is truly for them, regardless of what everyone else thinks.


"ready to love, do you want it enough? 
you say you want to love, do you want it enough?" 
- Jessie Ware


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