Be You. Don't Send Me A Representative.

There are so many people who claim to be "real". Kind of like people who say they're humble. It's one of those things that if we were, we wouldn't have to let anyone know. Our actions would speak for themselves. From time to time, I've been accused of not wanting the "real" from others, which is far from the truth. The thing about being genuine is, if we treat it like a light switch, we aren't being authentic. We're playing a role that relies greatly on how well of an actor we are, not portraying who we truly are.

No matter the level of relationship[romantic, friend, family, etc.] we get to know others on, if we make ourselves appear one way, knowing we operate totally different when we're comfortable, we've already succeeded at poisoning the relationship. Putting up facades tend to damage whatever we're trying to build. Human nature doesn't leave much room to conceal who we are for long so, our true selves seep out, whether we notice it or not. So why front in the first place?

By sending our representative in to establish a relationship, we cheat ourselves out of being around people who genuinely like us. There are things and people in the world that can be beneficial to our growth and all the energy we use to impress them as someone we aren't, is a waste. If it's extremely important to be liked, it only takes a second to understand that no matter who we are [pretend or not], everyone isn't going to like us anyway. No human alive is built to appeal to everyone. Even the most lovable person we know is disliked by someone.

So when someone sheds their facade and I distance myself, it is never about me not liking the real them. I might actually be fond of the "real you". People can become turned off when it becomes clear that all the time spent getting to know this "other you" was in vain. Personally, what turns me off is that I STILL don't know the real you...and there is no telling when I'll be allowed to see. All the time spent getting to know a representative could have been spent getting to know YOU. It can also make people question what else you're hiding in a relationship, sending the message that you aren't to be trusted. 

So in the end, is it really about people not wanting the real you or is it more so you not giving people the initial opportunity to know who you really are?

To Be or Not To Be [Yourself]...

We incessantly hear:

BE YOURSELF.

I see and hear it so much, that it has caused me to question how much of this people REALLY believe in. From my observations, a lot claim to want freedom to be themselves but depending on the road we travel to our destiny, society demands we sacrifice certain parts of who we are. So how can we truly be ourselves?

Best example I can give is that lends credit to this conflict is myself. I KNOW I don't get along with everyone. Even though I'm friendly, I cherish honesty over a lie any day; because the truth can be ugly sometimes, I'm often accused of being mean when I give the truth its just due. Many people come to me for honest opinions and unbiased views but far more people stay away from me because of them. I don't crave the attention of other people so this isn't a problem for me personally. It is a problem for my writing though. Writers need exposure, like any other artist. So when you have a significant amount of individuals who won't share my work because they "don't like me" [NOT my writing], it presents a HUGE problem.

I KNOW there are some people who don't work with me on purpose, due to my personality. You'd think being honest and upfront were endearing and wanted traits in the world of writing but not so much. A lot of people want to pick their truths in life even when their delusional behavior is staring them in the face. If I come along and hold up the mirror, I become The Least Likely to Be Worked With. I'm the favorite person until I tell the truth about something people would rather just close their eyes to. I then become, Public Enemy #1.

So what happened to "BE YOURSELF"?

It sounds good and that's about it. The reality is, if we were 100% ourselves in EVERY capacity of our lives, a lot of people would never retain jobs, be in solid relationships, have friends, and/or be allowed outside of insane asylums. So what do we do? We dial our personalities down/up to get to where we want and need to be. Is this being fake? Depends on who you ask. 

So what SHOULD you do? There is a fine line between what we can comfortably live with and creating an entirely different persona for the benefit of success. Most people in the industries that require us to "fake it until you make it" understand the need to project certain images. If we asked THEM if we're being fake, they'd more than likely tell us that it's an occupational hazard if we want to make a recognizable name for ourselves. If we're trying to live a relatively normal life and we asked someone who enjoys their 9-5, married life, children, white picket fence, and dog, they'd probably tell us that we have to stay 100% true to ourselves.

As I get closer to fulfilling pivotal points of my destiny, I gain more clarity on "BE YOURSELF". My reality dictates that I'm going to have to do a lot of things I don't necessarily WANT, but NEED, to do. I'm more of an introvert but extrovert traits are required to network and connect with others. It isn't being someone else; it's channeling that part of myself that already exists but never needed to be used. I view it as necessary change versus being someone I'm not.

The bottom line is, once we determine what/where we want to be life, it's up to us to BE that and show up for success. Whatever we're willing to do, as long as we accept full accountability for our actions and words, we're still being ourselves. Sometimes we have to switch lanes to get to our final destination and before we do that, we should have answered the most important life question:

To Be or Not To Be [Yourself]?