short hiatus. back this week!

Haven't posted anything lately because I've been without my computer. All of that will be a thing of the past this week!

Be You. Don't Send Me A Representative.

There are so many people who claim to be "real". Kind of like people who say they're humble. It's one of those things that if we were, we wouldn't have to let anyone know. Our actions would speak for themselves. From time to time, I've been accused of not wanting the "real" from others, which is far from the truth. The thing about being genuine is, if we treat it like a light switch, we aren't being authentic. We're playing a role that relies greatly on how well of an actor we are, not portraying who we truly are.

No matter the level of relationship[romantic, friend, family, etc.] we get to know others on, if we make ourselves appear one way, knowing we operate totally different when we're comfortable, we've already succeeded at poisoning the relationship. Putting up facades tend to damage whatever we're trying to build. Human nature doesn't leave much room to conceal who we are for long so, our true selves seep out, whether we notice it or not. So why front in the first place?

By sending our representative in to establish a relationship, we cheat ourselves out of being around people who genuinely like us. There are things and people in the world that can be beneficial to our growth and all the energy we use to impress them as someone we aren't, is a waste. If it's extremely important to be liked, it only takes a second to understand that no matter who we are [pretend or not], everyone isn't going to like us anyway. No human alive is built to appeal to everyone. Even the most lovable person we know is disliked by someone.

So when someone sheds their facade and I distance myself, it is never about me not liking the real them. I might actually be fond of the "real you". People can become turned off when it becomes clear that all the time spent getting to know this "other you" was in vain. Personally, what turns me off is that I STILL don't know the real you...and there is no telling when I'll be allowed to see. All the time spent getting to know a representative could have been spent getting to know YOU. It can also make people question what else you're hiding in a relationship, sending the message that you aren't to be trusted. 

So in the end, is it really about people not wanting the real you or is it more so you not giving people the initial opportunity to know who you really are?

The Conversations We Have With Ourselves

Several people have either written or talked to me about the conversations they have with themselves. These mental chats aren't to be confused with serious self-exploration in an effort to better ones self. It has been made clear that it is contrived, MADE UP dialogue in their head [or out loud] of them and someone else. Some have laughed it off, others are serious as hell when they relay this information. I sit in awe, not because of the freely expressed psychosis [we all have a little "crazy" in us, I don't care about that] but at the fact that bad communication is a deal-breaker [of some sorts] with them. It quickly becomes clear that communication isn't defined the same across the board...and that they expect great communication from others but don't plan on doing it themselves. 

For some, if you let them say whatever they want to, when they feel like it, THAT is good communication. If you have something to say in return, that doesn't play a part in their definition of exchanging words. Others consider communication talking to everyone [themselves included] but the person they need to speak to. As long as they're getting it off their chest, it doesn't matter that the problem still exists. They've vented and some communication has taken place. Then there are those who encourage arguments because then it can't be said that the other person didn't get to say what they wanted. Never mind that both people were too busy talking/yelling to actually listen to what the other person was saying.

The problem with all of the above is that even though words might be exchanged at some point, none of it is effective communication. Monkeys can scream at each other. It doesn't mean they are accomplishing anything.

So what's the big deal with having conversations with ourselves? Nothing if we're perfectly fine seeing everything from our own narrow tunnel vision. It's a huge problem if we actually consider ourselves to be open-minded, good listeners and communicators. 

In order to effectively communicate, we have to be willing to accept that the other person doesn't see things as we do. Just as we have reasons for why we think and do something, so does EVERYONE else. It doesn't matter how trivial or significant the reasons. While it might be tough to digest, we also have to be open to the fact that we could be wrong about how we're seeing/approaching things. Acknowledging that possibility, indicates we're willing to listen to others. Hashing things out in our head, convincing ourselves that we know exactly what the other person is thinking, and then deciding how things will pan out is as pointless as talking to a brick wall and expecting it to give responses.

In my daily efforts to communicate better, I've processed that depending on the person, our levels of effective communication tend to change. Sometimes this clouds our judgment, leading us to believe we are exceptional speakers/listeners across the board. I'll use myself as an example. I use my language very deliberately. It comes across harsh to some people who rely on their feelings to open up to others. I had to come to the realization that while I might be great at this with SOME people, it isn't with ALL people. Once that epiphany smacked me across the face, it became a choice versus a stubborn incorrect opinion of myself.

This is probably the hardest thing someone who gets accolades for being a good communicator will have to accept. However, just because we tell ourselves something everyday, that doesn't necessarily make it true. Just like this talking to yourself thing. At some point, productive interaction with others has to be more important. It is only then that we'll stop having one-sided conversations and start having them with the people we've been leaving out of the exchange.

Answering a Direct Question w/a Direct Answer is Brash & Arrogant?

brash: impertinent; impudent; tactless

arrogant: making claims or pretensions to superior importance or rights; overbearingly assuming; insolently proud

I was recently called brash and arrogant for stating that I didn't wear makeup because I didn't need it. In an effort to keep things in context, I wasn't tooting my horn. There was a discussion being had about wearing a full face of makeup. I was asked why I chose not to. My response was:

"because I don't need it"

I was met with a turned up nose and the statement that I must think I'm better than women who do wear makeup. This confused me because my reply wasn't about ANYONE ELSE but ME. You asked me why I didn't wear makeup and I answered you; because you didn't like my answer, you assume I think I'm better than you and any woman who chooses to wear makeup. Ok.

This lead me to ask someone else if the woman who asked me the question was being a little sensitive. After playing back the conversation to them, their assesment was that because I didn't offer any further explanation as to WHY I didn't wear makeup, it makes me come across as brash and arrogant.

Seriously?

How did I become the bad guy for answering a direct question, directly? I didn't give my opinion as to why other women wear makeup. I didn't even say that I don't think women need makeup. I said nothing in reference to anyone but myself. So I can't choose to not wear makeup because I don't need to? Or is there a problem here that has absolutely NOTHING to do with me? I'm going to say the latter.

The other day, a makeup artist stated that all women should wear makeup and those who don't, need to "get their life". She went on further to assume that if you don't wear makeup, you must not really love yourself because why wouldn't you want to enhance what you already have. Her statements were not in regards to just herself. She targeted an entire group of women to attack...simply because they weren't anything like her. I don't agree with her at all and I definitely don't think that all women's self-esteem is tied up in their beauty. Never mind that everyone can't wear makeup and there are some women who don't like it on THEIR face. 

I'm brash and arrogant though, right?

This is the perfect example of up being down, left being right, and right being wrong. Had she asked me a question that focused on all women and makeup, she would have gotten a totally different answer. However, her question was directed only to me. When did communication change to where I should be answering every question as if I'm speaking for everyone? I will not speak for all women in a LOT of areas because I do some things differently. I don't want someone who does things differently than me, speaking for me either. 

Yet, I'm still the problem.

This is why I've never been a fan of majority rule because it brushes aside those who think outside of the norm. Being different isn't something that I do so that I can get brownie points for being unique. EVERYONE has something about themselves that contrasts from others. At no point should they be called tactless or accused of feeling superior because of their diversity. Different doesn't automatically mean better or wrong. It means not the same.

Being Fearless

 

I was once told that having courage does not mean being without fear. Some of the most courageous people in history were fearful of the path they had chosen, at one point or another. If we were to think about all of the world leaders that have left lasting impressions on us, it would stand to reason that with the things they were intent on accomplishing included rightful moments of fear. Fear of failing…fear that someone powerful was going to get in the way of them accomplishing their goal…fear that someone else would have and fulfill the same goal. So, what does it really mean to be fearless?

         Much too often we let our dreams, ambitions, and goals get crushed or thrown on the back burner because of that debilitating four-letter word: FEAR. It can leave us in stagnant waters all our life, wondering why we never excelled as far as we had planned once before. When we get to that point where we begin to doubt ourselves and what we are capable of, we have to realize being fearless means recognizing what we want to accomplish is more important than any setbacks.

There will be some apprehension when approaching anything that seems to be a challenge. It goes without saying, especially when we are setting ourselves up to do something that is truly innovative and will affect many. Not letting anyone or anything stand in our way is the key to following through.

My life has been filled with moments that others would deem as courageous but they were actually some of the most terrifying moments I have experienced. Moving out of my parents house at 16 years old took two years to plan and muster the strength to follow through. It was necessary for me to continue personal growth. Leaving my hometown at 21 years old to reside on the other side of my country took even more gumption. The first six months of living in a new state, there were many days I'd sit in my room and let tears fall. It was a big change that wasn't automatically a smooth transition. I stuck to my guns and never left. Deciding to have my daughter at 29 years old, despite having to take a huge pay cut, weighed heavily on my mind. Choosing not to take my life as it spiraled out of my control for the last four years, took a tremendous amount of tenacity. I wake up [now] everyday knowing that my dreams are more important than any self-doubt I can muster up.

 So, the next time we are faced with scary situations that threaten what we want to do, we can't let skepticism settle in where our faith should be. We will be okay and fulfill our dreams because fear is something we can always choose to remove from our mental process. As long as we're moving forward and not letting our thoughts get the best of us, nothing can stop us from being the awesome person we are destined to become.

[this post was originally published in a column I used to write back in 2009; it has been edited for relevance. it is a great reminder for me, as well :-)]

Have Some Self-Control. Don't Rape.

Yesterday there was discussion on Twitter about rape amongst minority women. I found the coincidence to be odd considering I was having a conversation with someone about rape, before I was aware of my fast moving timeline's concerns. As I read some of the tweets about date rape, being raped by someone they knew really well, and lots of men not accepting "No" as a serious response to their advances, I started getting a little sick to my stomach. I counted how many women I have in my phone. Of the almost 600 contacts, about 200 are women. Of those 200, 15% have been raped before. Some of them were molested as children, experienced rape from boyfriends, friends of the family, even their best friends. Some of these women have suffered at the hands of different rapists. My stomach sinks even lower to know that some of these predators are women too. 

As alarming as this is, an even greater sadness washed over me when I realized this isn't even ALL the women I know that have been raped. It might sound like an exaggeration, but for some of us, almost 50% of the women we know have been in a situation that could be constituted as rape, unwanted sexual advances, or molestation of some kind. It moved me to ask a few people how many women they knew that had been raped. Most responses were, "1 or 2 people".

It might seem like I'm over-thinking things but...I'm a woman, have two beautiful daughters, and I care a hell of a lot about us NOT being raped. While I could focus on finding a deeper meaning to why so many women have shared such emotionally damaging information with me, it would be selfish to not concern myself with WHY so many people have formed a sense of entitlement over others genitals. This is no laughing matter or something to be brushed aside. Most of the women I speak of that have suffered at the hands of their predators, knew them well enough to trust that they were in good company. Until they weren't.

It makes one begin to think that some of the rapists don't view themselves as such and that there is nothing wrong with their aggressive, predatory behavior. If it isn't consensual, it's rape. Maybe it needs to be clarified as to what consensual is.

If someone is in your bed, that doesn't make it consensual. If you feel that way, don't let anyone into your sheets until it is confirmed that they will be having sex with you. If someone is in the middle of heavy foreplay with you and decides they don't want to move further, that IS a "No". Every woman who says "No" isn't playing hard to get and even if she is, regardless of you being a man/woman or extremely horny, back up. Hearing a "No" is your cue to STOP, whether she is laughing or has to scream it out. 

You just started dating and she's moving slow when it comes to having sex. You decide to speed it up by having sex with her after she falls asleep. Nothing about this is consensual unless she has given you permission to invade her personal space while she is sleep. Some of the synonyms for consensual are agreed, like-minded, of one mind, shared, undisputed, unquestioned. If you didn't get a favorable answer before she dozed off, keep your appendages to yourself. Have some self-control.

THINK first. It might be easier said than done when all the blood in your body seems to have rushed to your penis or your vagina is pulsating. Keep in mind that because you have the crotch of fire raging for sexual interaction, that isn't everyone else's condition. This person more than likely trusts that you would never harm them and just because you make a point to not leave any physical proof of damage, that doesn't mean you aren't fucking up people's head that you touch inappropriately. Molestation is still a form of nonconsensual activity. 

As the examples fill my head to further drive home the point for people to keep their hands to themselves, I begin to feel like this is just banter. I don't believe rape can be prevented by teaching people not to get raped. We as a society have to teach one another that IT ISN'T OKAY TO FORCE OURSELVES ON EACH OTHER. A part of me feels like people would stop and think if the violator's were punished by being raped themselves. When you are forced to have something so personal taken from you, you being to look at the world differently. You understand the fear in some people's eyes of being left alone with someone who looks like their attacker. You understand the women who seem to be all over the place in their relationships because deep down, their trust issues are preventing them from opening up to others. The world becomes a little more clearer than just your control/power issues, need to dominate, and unhealthy ego that says 'If I want it, it's mine".

I hope we can move one step closer to giving a fuck about someone other than ourselves. If rape isn't one of the most selfish things to ever exist, it's pretty damn close. As a woman and a mother, I feel like the universe is trying to deliver a message by allowing me to meet these women who've opened up to me about their rapes. I can't say I immediately know how my purpose in life is connected to this but it is definitely a cause worth fighting for and I plan to seek out ways to educate people on the subject. If it helps one man/woman think before their aggression consumes them, I've done something that mattered. I hope more people choose to be part of a solution for rape, versus becoming a negative part of the problem.

Actively Choosing to Be Happy

The difficult conversations are usually the most important ones we should be having. I recently had two and while I think there was a mutual understanding with one person, I'm more than positive the other is upset with me. In an effort to refocus and better align with my true purpose, I had to make some tough decisions. Since it looks effortless to others [because I don't process my difficult choices out loud on social networks], I am often viewed as callous, trying to be perfect, and a bunch of other stuff that has nothing to do with positive movement forward.

I often use the example of an addict trying to free themselves of the burden of their addiction. The minute they make the decision that they don't want to do drugs, drink excessively, etc. it is suggested they limit/cut off interaction with users. What I would like to know is, why this is viewed differently when someone limits their interaction with those they know aren't mentally healthy for them at the moment?. Surely our mental health is just as important as our physical so why the exception?

If someone makes the decision to remove themselves from underneath a dark cloud, shouldn't we be happy for them? Instead, the responses I've had to contend with are accusations that I'm being self-righteous, I think I'm perfect and have it all figured out when I don't know shit about shit. Nice, right? Of course this is abusive speech targeted at people to get them to do what you want. Fortunately, it doesn't work on me. It has become motivation to keep traveling down my road and further distance myself from people like this.

When someone makes the decision to not let life get the best of them EVERY DAY THEY WAKE UP, it isn't about ignoring things that aren't right in their world. It is impossible for me to not think about the following:

• in the last 6 months, I've had 3 family members pass away, 1 being my mothers mom and another being my father's dad ; my husband has had 3, as well, one being a suicide
• I had pneumonia and was laid up in the hospital for half a day
• my daughter developed asthma and has an ongoing condition called rhinitis [which gives her a sinus infection twice a month]; she's been sick for a year; not off and on, literally not well for an entire year
• I had a stressful job where I was undergoing harassment during the time our family members were passing, which the EEOC confirmed but I can't press charges because it wasn't within the parameters of their guidelines 
• the employee that was harassing me happened to be my supervisor; she created a full letter of lies in order to fire me, even though we live in a right to work state so attempting to tarnish my character added insult to injury
• during all of the above, our cars turbo goes out and we have to purchase another car
• the car we just purchased, engine fell out a couple weeks ago

This list can continue for another 2 pages because that's life, something is ALWAYS going on. Does it help to sit around feeling sorry for myself because of this? No. Me talking about it to anyone who will listen doesn't make it go away either. If we are truly striving to make the best of things, it's always best to focus on the good things happening around us anyway. For me, it has been the following:

• we were able to find a more spacious, less expensive place in a neighborhood 10 times better, after leaving a black mold infested house
• my husband still has his job; one income is better than none
• we've been fortunate enough to still be able to afford my daughter's daycare so I can write while she's at school
• our daughter's health has drastically improved since we changed her doctor
• my stress levels are amazingly low due to not being on edge everyday
• we live in a neighborhood where basic necessities are within a miles reach so no car isn't as bad as it sounds
• I have an opportunity to work on doing what I love, not what appears to provide security

I can list more but the point is made. Actively choosing to be happy isn't about forgetting the things we have to deal with. It's about not letting the downers in life keep us in a place that affects our positivity. I'm further uplifted by those who subscribe to the same belief. My friends and I discuss things that go wrong in life but we also encourage each other not to complain incessantly about things that are out of our control. The things we can change, we remind each other to work on them diligently. This doesn't free up much time to negatively fixate in a "Woe is me" manner.

So the next time someone gets upset with you for not stooping to their level of negativity, take comfort that you are doing something right. There is a quote that says "You become like the 5 people you spend the most time with. Choose carefully". If those 5 people want nothing but the best for you and encourage you to stay positive, choosing to be happy can become as easy as breathing...

Pregnancy & The Public Eye

The above pictures are of me when I was 7 months pregnant and about 3 months before I found out I was with child. Nothing about my pregnancy was easy but my daughter was healthy the entire time I was pregnant. That made me so grateful and I took all the "punches" in stride. The comments about my body during pregnancy from women who had never been pregnant, as well as men who don't know shit about shit when it comes to pregnancy, used to piss me off. 

I was extremely emotional during this time and used to cry a lot when I was by myself. My hormones were all out of whack, I was stressed beyond belief, and couldn't stop counting the days until delivery. The judgments of others did not make this process any better so when I hear/see others calling other pregnant women rude ass names, a part of me taps back into my experience. 

My body changed SO much that I would get upset at what I was seeing in the mirror, more often than not. I was used to my butt looking a certain way; my rear end was ALL OVER THE GOTDAM PLACE. My boobs looked fantastic but were so heavy that I couldn't really appreciate them as much as other mothers. My [now] husband was so concerned about poking his daughter in the head while having sex that I didn't get it in as much as I would have liked to. Another contributing factor to my crankiness while pregnant. When I say that EVERYTHING changed JUST to bring my daughter into this world, I am so serious.

I didn't really talk to many people about my feelings while pregnant. I was experiencing things I never acknowledged in the past and I felt alone during this process, most days. I had a couple friends that (figuratively) held my hand through it all and I love them SO much for being there. I often wonder how some women who are in the public eye deal with this because we all know how insensitive people can be towards the famous. 

                                    

I heard/saw people calling Mariah everything from a "fat fuck" to "Shamu" when she was pregnant. Never mind that she was carrying twins and it's expected amongst people with functioning brains that she was going to gain a considerable amount of weight.

Kim Kardashian has also been called Shamu, as well as "a big bitch" and "overweight". Of course because she is the world's favorite person to gossip about and hate, she's rarely spared when it comes to name calling.

                                                  

Some even questioned whether Jill Scott was really pregnant or just "ridiculously obese". Due to her already being a plus size woman, pre-pregnancy, the jokes were endless and...cruel. It got to the point where I began to question if people valued a healthy mother or seemingly thinner expecting mothers.

I could keep posting pre-pregnancy and pregnancy pictures of women in the spotlight, listing the irrational comments that were made about them. It would only further support my point that the general public can sometimes be mindless as a box of rocks. It caused me to question how many women accepted what happens when you get the opportunity to create life. Some of these same women are eagerly awaiting the day they get to have a family of their own but the level of their immaturity is astounding. 

My only suggestion to the public is to be easy on moms-to-be. They are dealing with enough preparing for the arrival of their tiny bundle[s]. While they might be used to ignoring the mean things people hurl their way, some of us women who are used to looking a certain way, still have to manage our feelings regarding pregnancy. I guess what I'm trying to say is, stop being dickheads about pregnant women. Yes, some of us gain a ton of weight while pregnant, our noses might spread all over our face, and it could look like we're about to give birth to Paul Bunyan. However, if you've never carried a baby past 3-4 months, shut the entire fuck up. It's a process of up to 9 months. Respect this miracle or just be quiet.

Why Can't We Stay Married?

I had decided a while ago that I wasn't having children or getting married. The level of commitment a person is supposed to devote to their child and their mate was too much for me. I couldn't see myself taking that kind of risk. There was no guarantee that whoever I said "Yes" to when asked for my hand, would view their vow as I did. Marriage was not a game to me, which is why I said "No" to 7 of the 8 requests. Since there was no proof that marriage would last, why would I have kids? I didn't want the burden of being a single mother or have to deal with co-parenting. Neither of those things made me feel like I would still be able to retain a reasonable amount of freedom either.

What did I do?

I had a kid almost 4 years ago and I got married to her father last year.

What changed? Me.

I figured this was the best way to get over my commitment issues; commit yourself to something that you HAVE to take serious. The thing about that is...there is STILL no guarantee that your children or mate will give a damn about that. As my father stated to me, "it's one of those things you have to wake up everyday, continuing to commit to, regardless of what you experience that makes you want to break your vow to them". Of course I don't think he was referring to extreme situations but I understood what he meant. My mother and father have been together 40 years, married for 38 and have 3 children as a result of their union. I can say without a doubt that it hasn't been an easy 40 years but BOTH of them decided to stay with each other and isn't THAT what makes marriage the ultimate success in the end?

So when I look at the increasing divorce rate, the ups and downs of dating that never lead to marriage for some, and how depressed people can become when they feel no one will want them, it makes me question everything...all over again.

What is going on today that we are picking mates that aren't willing to do what it takes to stay together? Was everything good during the dating process or did we ignore important signs? Even if all signs pointed to marriage being a good idea, what happens so that we're getting divorced within a year of getting married? WHY IS IT SO EASY TO GIVE UP ON PEOPLE THAT WE TOOK SUCH SERIOUS VOWS FOR?

Then it becomes clear that these vows don't mean as much as they should. 

One guy asked me why I went so hard for being married for life if I wasn't really big on it. For me, it makes a statement. It ISN'T dating. It is saying that out of all the people you've been acquainted with, THIS is the ONLY person you want to form an unbreakable bond with. It became clear that the union of marriage was overlooked when he revealed that he didn't pay attention to the vow declared when someone is sworn into a marriage. He is married and didn't know this. Which makes one raise an eyebrow and wonder what he was thinking when he said, "I do". Was he even paying attention?

In case some more of us weren't paying attention, here are standard vows:

"We are gathered here to unite these two hearts in the bonds of holy matrimony... Into this, these two now come to be joined...will you have this woman/man as your lawful wedded partner, to live together in the estate of matrimony? Will you love him/her, honor him/her, comfort him/her, and keep him/her in sickness and in health, forsaking all others, be true to him/her as long as you both shall live?"

If you're married, you said "I do". So when does it become a good time to say, "to hell with that vow. I just don't like you anymore and I don't want to work at this. I just want to be rid of you and any effort it will take to make things right"? Yet, this is what happens SO often. The sanctity of marriage has been destroyed because we don't take it as seriously as we once did. It's almost as if we reserve our right to get divorced like it's a get out of jail free card.

The solution is fairly simple but definitely easier said than done. Stop being selfish.

Becoming one has to be difficult for people who are used to everything going their way. When you agree to marry someone, you are committing to a life of taking someone into consideration everyday for the rest of your life. If you can pinpoint every time you have an altercation with someone you were dating, it can more than likely be simplified by acknowledging that someone was being selfish. The thing about marriage is that it's a team effort. Two are supposed to become one but if one is hell bent on staying themselves, it isn't going to work. Change is SUPPOSED to happen when you get married and sometimes that's too much to deal with when we want to doggedly hold on to who we used to be prior to being married.

I've been acquainted with my husband for 6 years but we just got married and I'll be honest and say it isn't easy. It wasn't when we were just boyfriend/girlfriend and it isn't as husband and wife. We argue like cats and dogs, hurt each others feelings, and do things that are huge turn offs to one another. It hasn't lessened my love for him, nor my vow. There are two things that I tell myself when I start my day. 

1. I will have a good day.

2. I will have a good day with Joey.

I'll keep telling myself this despite how much he makes me want to pull my hair out, at times. I don't intend to give up though because I have a choice, like everyone else. My choice is to do what it takes to stay married.

Do You REALLY Care What Kanye & Kim are Doing?

Due to the gossipy world we live in, if you have the slightest modicum of fame, the public [media included] will insert themselves into every facet of your life, if possible. There was a time when news was broadcast in an effort to inform us of things that we needed to know. Today? Not so much. It appears that people are far more interested in who's sleeping with who versus things that really matter.

I clicked on a Huffington Post link that said "Kim & Kanye Posing Nude on L'Official Hommes Paris Spring 2013", thinking it was going to be a spread of tasteful photos from the couple. Wrong. The write-up had more to do with admonishing them for taking the pictures.

"...doing a hell of a job making sure their future child will one day have plenty to be embarrassed about"

"the reality star and her rapper baby daddy"

"we'll admit the cover is pretty sexy, but we're calling TMI on this as we have their unborn baby's best interest at heart, and no one wants to see their parents like that"

The focus wasn't on the photos that were taken, in fact, there was only one pose repeatedly shown on the post and that was it. The writer made sure you were paying attention to their opinion related drivel that reflected more of their personal beliefs than a genuine interest in the couple's unborn child. Makes me wonder if they stopped to think that maybe it isn't within the unborn child's interest to write foolish shit about their parents.

As far as "no one wants to see their parents like that", I'm positive there are people out there who thought the picture was beautiful, not an embarrassment, present or future. If children see their parents expressing love for one another openly, wouldn't that provide a good example? I suppose it is the general assumption that they'll raise their child traditionally and in a conservative manner. If they choose to do that, good for them. It is the choosing otherwise that causes people to cast these ridiculous judgments.

I can show you several families who raised their children conservatively, in a traditional manner...and the kids didn't take to their parents instructions too well. The same goes for non-traditional parenting. You can find examples of good and bad outcomes for any type of child rearing.

I digress. Whatever happened to just wishing people well? Instead we've become a society that has to tear EVERYTHING apart to feel better about ourselves. I would say if Kim & Kanye were your friends, would you look at them the same but the answer is made clear everyday. A lot of people cannot stomach the happiness of others when they aren't in a happy place themselves. While it is understandable, the negativity attached to it oozes out a lot more frequently than some of us are willing to admit.

The Huffington Post more than likely got tons of hits and that is what they're always aiming for. It just makes me a bit sad that news has to be presented in this manner. 

I'm not Kim and my husband isn't Kanye but we're not strangers to people saying inappropriate things about our relationship. It is almost like the free-spirited, carefree individuals will forever be looked down upon by those too afraid to embrace their right to do as they please. Kayne & Kim have dated some well-known people. Kanye doesn't get crowned a hobag, as does Kim, even though their situations have been similar. They've actually been in relationships with these people, it's just been broadcast in an ugly light all over the media. 

How many people can honestly say the last 5 people they've slept with, they were FOR REAL dating? I'm sure someone can but why does it even matter? Will that add on to the years of productive life you have left? Nope but shitting on other people has become the cool thing to do. I'm hoping that news outlets get back to reporting things in a journalistic manner that can still be admired. The public complains about the messages that the media constantly send that are negative but the truth is...they wouldn't keep posting it if there wasn't a significant following looking at and sharing it.

I guess it all goes back to being the change we wish to see.